The Scott Ellis Community
(Or the result of spending too much time googling myself)
Around the world, men, women, companies and groups are naming themselves Scott Ellis in a vain attempt to bask in my reflected glory.
For the most part we all seem to share one unifying commonality... we're just not running with the herd.
here's geeks, freaks, scary people, fairy people, boring people, people you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley and a few you'd definitely want on your side when the shit hits the fan.One of them's probably the one you're looking for.
Meet the Scott Ellises.
The Scott Ellis School Of Irish Dance.
No, I'm not kidding.
When you get down to it, there's probably no dance style more crap than Irish.
Except maybe break dancing, but that's just a given isn't it?
Anyway, this school, based in Nashville Tennessee of all places, promises to teach both "Set and Ceili" styles of Irish dance... which should be, in my opinion, a crime punishable by being shot in the arse with a crossbow.
Scott C. Ellis Enterprises, Apartment and Community Building Rentals.
This guy's a crack up:
"Ellis Enterprises took root in this community during the 1960's" he writes on the homepage.
No, no, no. Ellis enterprises began in the 1960s as the result of a root.
Then there's his other line:
"Teamwork is the essence of Ellis Enterprises".
Once again, no, no, no. I can assure you it isn't at all.
Here at Ellis Enterprises HQ, there's no place for teamwork at all, it's all about me.
This Scott Ellis is a tattooist who works out of True Blue Tattoo in Austin Texas.
There's some pretty cool designs here and it's nice to see he actually makes and sells the Scott Ellis range of tattoo equipment, which I plan to import at some stage and use on all my friends while they're passed out, but best of all is the line at the tail end of his bio where he reveals:
"When the moon is full, and the wind is blowing from the east, you can still hear him mumbling to himself in Czech".
Welcome my brother!
Not 100 per cent sure what the hell this Scott Ellis is all about, and to be honest I wasn't too inspired by the animation on his homepage which ends with a skeleton doing some kind of one-armed isometric exercises.
According to his resume, he's some kind of geek who has "great problem solving skills" and writes poetry with lines such as "I am falling into you, we lean forward, we kiss, Falling, falling into you, this is bliss."
In fact I was just about to have him sued for misusing the name when I noticed he's a committed home brewer who lists something called "Rocket Fuel" as one of his triumphs.
Welcome my brother!
Scott Ellis Machinery - World Wide Sale of Quality Used Machine Tools.
I have no idea at all what most of these machines do, but damn do they look impressive!
Check out the "Hauser S3CNC311 5 Axis CNC Jig Grinder".
It's got a 600mm x 380mm table, a turbine accelrator (up to 160,000 RPM), five grinding heads, a slotting head and it's fitted with NUM CNC controls.
For just £25,000.00 you'd be mad not to buy it!
This guy is, so his page insists, an expert in "dispute resolution in the commercial, construction, employee relations and intellectual property areas"
In fact if you read through his bio, he sounds like he's one of the few Scott Ellises out there who actually got off his arse and made something of his life.
Sure, he's not watching TV for a living, teaching Irish dance, tattooing or playing in a metal band, but there had to be at least one of us who actually contributed to society I suppose.
Unlike this guy who sounds like he's forsaken actual qualifications to tap into the average American's ability to fall for any load of shite that comes along.
He's a teacher who specialises in "Brain-Based Learning".
As opposed to that other learning you do with your teeth, I suppose.
Anyway, to sit through one of his courses costs $US500.
To date I have no data on whether he's offering discounts to other Scott Ellises.
Scott Ellis Gardens, London.
I've actually been to this place, I have a photo to prove it... I just don't remember anything about it.
This was somewhere back in the late eighties when I visited London with a mate and spent four weeks on a monster drinking binge.
I remember very little of the whole trip actually, except going to see Gay Bikers On Acid and World Domination Enterprises at the Brixton Academy, where they sold Fosters in milk-shake-sized cups.
Anyway, the site tells me the gardens are a lovely place, it's a stone's throw to Lords Cricket Ground and it's about twenty minutes walk away from Marylebone Tube station.
I have no idea at all how to pronounce "Marylebone", but I'm pretty sure she's married to the lead singer from Duran Duran.
Scott Ellis Photography... specialising in taking pics of babies, children and families.
I've rewritten this entry about eight times so far and there's still nothing I can say that Scott Ellis the mediator would be able to get me out of trouble for so I'll just leave it I think.
Scott Ellis, drummer.
I think he's the drummer in a band called "Start", but all I really know for sure is he uses hair gel and drinks diet coke.
So if you're looking for a diet-coke drinking, gel-wearing drummer, this is definitely your guy.
However, if you're looking for a non gel-wearing drummer who drinks a lot more than diet coke, move on to the next guy...
Scott Ellis, a very different drummer.
Scott plays drums for metal band Warface, which is about to release a CD through Deathquake Records.
There's a lovely pic of him here doing that metal hand thing which is either the sign of the devil (meaning, therefore that he's in league with the Prince of Darkness and woe betide anyone who gets in the way of his hellish drumming, lest they pay for all eternity) or that he's deaf and dumb and is saying "I love you".
Either way, check out the video clips of Scott playing here, he's actually pretty bloody good.
Scott Ellis Farms.
Scott Ellis runs Ellis farms.
He has a moustache and likes to be photographed holding pieces of corn.
He has three trucks and gets up at three am every day.
He also likes New Jersey tomatoes and peaches...
What??? Sorry, I nodded off for a second there.
Scott Ellis, maniac trucker
Come on, you just knew there had to be a Scott Ellis trucker out there somewhere, didn't you!
Ask the guys at Chrome Shop Mafia about Ol' Scotty and they'll tell you he's "a dude who ain't skeered to go all the way".
They actually will tell you that.
And that he's a "Wildman".
Then again, I suspect they sniff a lot of fixative down there at Chrome Shop Mafia.
Scott Ellis, vandal.
Sure, we're all vandals at some stage or another, even Wildman Scotty the trucker probably runs over signs when he's tooling down the freeway off his nut on handfuls of little white trucking pills, but this kid is a more traditional vandal, in that he spray paints walls.
As usual, I can't read anything his graffiti is supposed to say, but it's nice to know somewhere in South England is a Scott Ellis annoying the piss out of land owners... it's not like I can be everywhere, is it?